If you're living in some kind of partnered situation, it can be helpful to reassess your mutual support system every few months to make sure that you and your person are still on the same page.
How can you involve each other in a dialogue that invites you to speak openly about what you need most from each other?
And if this seems too hard to do at the moment, consider talking about how difficult it is for you to identify and ask for what you need.
How might your partner be able to help you here?
What might they be able to say or do that would signal to you that it is safe to share your thoughts?
If they are anxious about responding in the right way or saying the best thing, remind them that supportive presence is what this is all about - they're not expected to say the smartest, most useful thing right now!
Here are a few simple steps you can take in asking your partner for even more support in your recovery:
Ask yourself:
Which pro-recovery actions am I currently hoping to take?
Ask yourself:
Which of those pro-recovery actions might my partner support me in?
Ask yourself:
What difference would it make, if I had my partner's committed support in this?
Tell your partner:
"I am currently working on X, Y and Z in my recovery. I have been thinking that it would be really helpful to me, if you could support me in X and Z. Specifically, I was wondering if you could do A, B, and C for me. That would make a difference to me in that it would help me do ___________ and feel ___________, and it would mean a lot to me."
For example:
"I am currently working on stating my needs more often and not keeping alcohol at home. I have been thinking that it would be really helpful to me, if you could support me in both of those things. Specifically, I was wondering if you could ask me what I need at the end of the day, and also if you could please not bring any alcohol home. That would make a difference to me in that it would give me permission to state my needs, because you asked, and feel more in control over the amounts I am drinking, as I will know that there won't be any drinks sitting in the fridge. That would mean a lot to me."
...And then see what happens. :)
Warmly,
Annina
P.S. If you'd rather have these difficult conversations in session, know that your partner, friends or parents are always welcome, too. We know that recovery outcomes are better when supports are involved in treatment.
P.P.S. And if your significant other still drinks or uses, and you'd like to figure out how to keep living with them while pursuing your own recovery, take a look at this workbook I created specifically for people in your situation.